feminine power

Lately what has been on my mind, or rather in my heart, is femininity and feminine power. Femininity to me is not necessarily female, rather an energy in this world. We all have feminine and masculine energy within us, however most of us (although not all of us) seem to be expressing either femininity or masculinity primarily. I might jump between women/femininity but I ask that you take what resonates. If you identify with femininity in some way, no matter your gender, this will apply.

For decades upon decades we’ve lived in a patriarchal society. Society has been run by lower masculine energies and feminine energies have been either outright rejected or ignored. The feminist movement has been a triumph for (some) women and (some) women’s rights, but not so much femininity. In fact it might even have been a setback for it, depending on how you look at it. We (or rather the women who came before us, thank you) proved that we could do what men could do. We could work, we could travel, we could be successful, strong and independent. We too are great thinkers, great scientists and poets. Of course this has always been the case but it was a revolution and it was necessary. Women made a huge effort to break free of their assigned roles in society and take back their own power and free will. And they did. The only issue with this is that we also took on: masculinity.

In today’s world, few people know what it means to be feminine. I don’t know what it means, because I have been conditioned to only see value in the masculine way of doing things. The entire working market is set up by men for men. School is set up by men for men. What we strive for, what we want to accomplish in life is through these masculine eyes. Success, producing, reaching goals, all that is fine but is it what the feminine energy would prioritize? And if it is, would it go about it in the same way? Masculine energy is forward moving, it is clear and piercing, it is active. Feminine energy is receptive and soft, open and interactive. What energy do big companies use? What do we learn in school? What does society value more do you think? That’s right, masculinity. Even our big feminist role models are expressing masculinity, no matter whether they are “breaking free” from femininity or strapping on a pair of heels rapping about money and being a “bad bitch”, it’s still the same concept. As a woman you are expected to look feminine, but theres no room to really be feminine it seems. At least not if you want to respected as an equal. Masculinity is the game. And even when things are supposed to be “gender neutral”, they often still end up being masculine in my opinion.

I have had no real role models to teach me how to channel my feminine energy. I have gone through life thinking that this is the way of doing things, aggressively, taking initiative, being on top of things, taking charge and control. And some people who know me might beg to differ but whatever I take on, in my mind, this is the energy I am channeling. The voice in my head telling me what to do is masculine, and whether or not I am active or inactive, it is coming from a forceful place. A place that feels unnatural to me yet I barely even notice when it happens because I am so used to it. Always just a tiny (huge) bit uncomfortable. I burned out many years ago, and I am still recovering. I have tried to get back out there and in periods it has worked, but I always reach a point of another burnout. Because everything I do I do with sheer force, not openness and receptivity. I don’t do it because I feel like I have the energy but because I discipline myself. I push and I push and I push. I am tired of pushing. I am tired of living in a society that is not built for me and I am tired of making myself miserable by trying so hard. I have proved I can do it. I can be a man, but I choose not to be. I choose to be feminine. And I don’t know exactly how to let my feminine power fully flow through me yet, but I intend to find out.