good girl syndrome
Okay so let’s talk about being a good girl. I’m not talking a cute dog, and i’m not talking playful flirting. I’m talking good girl syndrome - being obsessed with perfection. Specifically, perfection of the self.
An incredible amount of women and girls I know set insurmountable standards for themselves. How they should look, how they should be there for the people around them and how they should perform. Being the perfect student, caregiver, employee, boss, doing everything at 110%.
News flash - it’s not humanly possible to always be at 110%. And why the fuck would we want to be?
Because - somehow along the way, whether it’s internal or external now, 110% came to be expected of us.
Spending time with other people with burnout has taught me one thing more than anything else - the people who are there are extremely talented, hardworking, high performing individuals, who finally couldn’t keep up with the expectation of 110%. Talented, ambitious people - who don’t yet know how to fully receive. Support, love, relaxation, compassion, praise, presence. We were never taught how to. We were taught - you do it _alone_.
Alone.
If you’re not the best you’re not good enough. And if you’re not good enough you’ll end up alone. We are terrified of being alone - I believe it’s our deepest subconscious motivation for performing the way we do - yet aren’t we already alone in this pursuit of perfection?
I’m not saying this is the case for everyone but I am saying that doing life _alone_ will get you burnt the hell out. Because you’re not built that way. You can do it for a little, you can push through on sheer willpower… for a while. But it’s like not eating food, eventually you will start to deteriorate. Because you’re not being nourished by anything or anyone, you’re not being connected to the beings around you.
This society is sick. We are not meant to live like this. Working all day living in our own little houses, isolated, it just isn’t conducive to human nature. we are interconnected beings with _different_ skillsets and gifts. We need each other, we need the group and we need our natural abilities to be received and valued. We do not need to push 20 years to learn something that we don’t even like to then work for someone who maybe doesn’t even know our name.
But even then, if you found your calling and you genuinely love what you do - burnout will eat you alive if you 1. try to do it alone and 2. can’t receive from other people. Because you’re working against nature. And as I’ve said before no one is above nature.
My beautiful good girls (and boys and babes and beings), it is your birthright to receive. It’s as natural as breathing. You cannot only breathe out all the time. You can’t push the air out at 110% because eventually there won’t be any air left. You have to let go sometimes and let life fill your lungs. I would love to tell you exactly how to receive fully, but the truth is if I knew I wouldn’t be here writing this. But what I have found is that it takes a different kind of effort (not effort really, focus is a better word) to let yourself receive. It’s the opposite of what we were taught. it’s an opening, a widening, a drop down… rather than a tension and a spring into action. It’s a softening. It’s the sky letting it rain. It’s the trees in the fall letting the leaves dangle. It’s the unrestricted river.
And the weird thing is it’s available all the time, this energy, if we just remember to look for it. To feel it. But as with anything it does take practice to find your focus. To float when you’re used to paddling will feel strange.
But being a good girl isn’t fun. And it isn’t worth it. It is lonely and it is hard and it is exhausting. I would much rather receive love and be a part of something than stand on some mountain top by myself, absolutely starved and exhausted, saying “I did this alone”. Because really, what does perfect get me? Not love. Because the love I want is here now, but I would need to drop the act and let it in… and that might honestly be the one thing that good girls, aren’t the best at (yet).